For my younger self

If I could give my younger self some advice, I would have to start in the 8th grade and I would have to say please, please don’t let those bullies get to you. Don’t let the boys that you think are so cool and popular make you think you are anything less than amazing. Those “friends” of yours won’t even talk to once you all split up and go to different high schools and they prove to you that they don’t actually care.

Once you get to high school the boys will start to notice you. You’re so excited about this now but you shouldn’t be.  That Mychael guy, the one who you only talked to once or twice in middle school, he’ll start talking to you some more. He’ll mean a lot, he’ll take something precious in not such a romantic way and then he’ll leave.  You’ll experience your first heartbreak but he’ll come back around later.

The guy after that? He won’t mean much either.

Don’t let your phone die when you’re out.  Just don’t do it.  You will regret the look on your dad’s face when shit ends up hitting the fan.

Don’t mouth off to your math teacher, no matter how much of a jackass he is and don’t let all the outside problems into your schoolwork, it will hurt senior year.

And then senior year… Don’t ever get involved with the hot football player. I know you’re the kind of person who doesn’t regret anything as long as you learn from it, and trust me you’ll learn plenty, but there will be one moment, one night that replays in your head that you regret, that you wish you could take back. He makes everything worse.  Your friends from school will either stop talking to you or just disappear and you will have a terrible time at Prom if you get involved with him.  Don’t do it.

And remember how I said that slacking off in math and classes would hurt senior year? Those two rejection letters will spell it out for you. And having to tell people, to speak those words to your parents or inquisitive friends and relatives, it doesn’t get easier. Luckily one school believes in you and that’s what counts.

I said that Mychael guy would come back around, well here he is. You start out slow, skeptical even, but  then he gets under your skin again. He falls first and you still have your guard up and then slowly but surely you begin to trust him again. You learn a lot. You experience a long distance relationship for the first semester of college and then he breaks your heart again. He manipulates you and poisons you and all you want to do is help. But you can’t. So just cut ties. There’s a guy who gives you a wink and smile from the hall above yours, he’s cute, charming and the perfect rebound right? You think you can not be emotional, but you can’t. And you find out that he gave that same wink and smile to more than one girl, all in one night. You will feel disgusted and used yet again.  I’m not saying don’t have any fun, just don’t do so with him, or if you feel the need, just do so once and never again.

Eventually you will start talking to a guy in your hall and he will be the best thing to ever happen to you.  He treats you the way you deserve and shows you that you do have a heart. Hold on to him. You’ll thank me later 🙂

Most importantly, always, always remember your worth. You deserve the world, don’t let anyone tell you differently.

P.S. The guys that were so awful to you in middle school think you’re smoking hot now 😉


One thought on “For my younger self

  1. Pingback: Eff I’m in My Twenties Day 7: Letter to Younger Self | Confessions of a 20-something

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