I read somewhere once that if you want to become a better writer, that you should write something everyday. If for no other reason than to just unwind and reflect on the day and how you’re feeling. So I am going to try my best to write everyday. Now don’t expect some magical revelation or some brilliant metaphor everyday. Don’t even expect something every day to be fair. Read it if you want, ignore it if you don’t. Whether you like it or not feel free to let me know, I always love feedback.
Today I talked to my oldest sister. She just had a beautiful baby boy on the 7th, her third boy in her family. She found out today that if she does take maternity leave from her job, she will lose her insurance at the end of the six weeks. Her car needs some repair work and she needs the money to fix it to go to work and support her three kids but she can’t go to work if she doesn’t have a car. Her husband/fiance (who has time or money for a wedding nowadays?) got a flat tire on his car a few days ago. They were planning on fixing it when he got another one. Now until a new paycheck, they can’t fix that. Now he has trouble getting to and from work also, therefore has to call in and not make any money. Meanwhile, the Christmas season is just around the corner and three boys want all the toy trucks and cars and action figures they can get. So she’s in a tough situation.
I joked with her about the trend in our family where everything is fine for about a month, we think we have everything under control and that life is good. But that is the calm before the storm because all of a sudden, everything is going wrong. When it rains, it pours! I want so badly to help my sister but let’s face it, I’m in college. I live in a two bedroom apartment with a roommate who I barely speak to anymore and a kitten whose vet bills I’m almost done paying off. I am living off student loans and the money I get from my part-time job and barely making my budget every month. So as much as I want to help her, I just can’t. I can’t lend her my car since we are an hour away from each other, I can’t lend her money because I don’t have any. I can’t fix her car because, well not only does my car have problems of it’s own, I know nothing about mechanics. So all I could say to her was “Hang in there and give the boys a kiss from me.”
And that got me thinking. How many of us are just “hanging in there?” Are we all just waiting for the storm? Or waiting for something better to happen?
I’m doing both. I am lucky enough to be in an amazing relationship that makes me incredibly happy. I have a kitten as a companion and I make decent grades for a college sophomore. My family loves me and I have good friends. And yes, there are things in my life that I wish I could change, things that may make me just a tad happier than I am, like say, a roommate who communicates with me and follows through on agreements, or an easier schedule or more lenient professors or a kitten that didn’t get sick unexpectedly! But that aside, I look at the big picture and I have a good life and I am happy.
However, I am a realist and my past relationships have not been very good. So as much as I hate to admit it, there’s a little part of me that’s just waiting for this relationship to go bad. Mind you I say a little part of me because I do think that everything is good and if we keep up at this pace then we could very well be together forever. But there’s that other part of me that’s scared that I’m going to get too happy. That’s just waiting for the storm. On that same note, I am completely excited to be with him for the long haul and to do things with him that I haven’t gotten the chance to do with other guys. We have talked about our future together and I do believe every word he says. But I understand that life happens, it throws us curve balls and loops and makes us change things. And as long as we’re in this together, I know we’ll make it. As long as we live in the moment, we can do this.
So from here on out, let’s live in the moment. Let’s stop waiting for the storm or for something better and just live for right now. It’s a simple concept but a difficult task. Are you up for the challenge?
“Just take my hand and we’ll make it I swear.”