I grew up Catholic. Believing in one God and saying my prayers every night.
And then things changed. Things started getting difficult. My life took a turn, and I stopped praying every night. And I started to wonder why God would let such terrible things happen to good people? And wondering what I could have done to be punished this way.
Now that I have grown up and have a better perspective on things, I still do not know what exactly I believe in.
I believe that there is something more. Something greater than we can understand. I believe that at some point or another, we all need to believe that there is something bigger. We need reassurance, reasons, or hope. We need guidance, comfort or love.
More often than not, I find myself praying, but not really knowing to whom or what I might be praying to. I may start out by saying, “God, gods, Grandpa, guardian angel, anyone else who might be looking down on me, I just need someone to listen…” and then I let them know what it is that I’m worried about. Tonight, I will tell my readers. I will tell my readers everything I would have prayed for when I used to pray every night. Maybe some of you will relate or find solace in it. Some of you will read this far and say, “ugh this just isn’t for me” and maybe some of you will pass these thoughts on to whatever God or being you believe in.
I pray for Alex. That he heals from his wisdom teeth and feels minimal pain. That I can keep him happy for as long as he can keep me happy. That he succeeds in life, whether I am by his side or not. And that he can one day see himself in the same light that I see him.
I pray for my parents. That they can stay happy together for the rest of their lives. That they find peace in their retirement and old age. That they stay healthy, mentally and physically for as long as possible. That their travels are safe and they return well rested. That they stop worrying so much about things that don’t necessarily matter. That they receive all that they deserve which is more than I could ever give them.
I pray for my nephews. That they learn more than me and use that knowledge to their advantage. That they are brave enough in life to do the things that scare them. That they have the resiliency to get through life’s hardships without too much damage. That they can have solid relationships with each other, because siblings are the best kinds of friends. That they learn to forgive the people who may wrong them. That they survive their first heartbreaks without allowing themselves to be bitter or cold. That they achieve all their plans and dreams in life and prove any nay-sayers wrong. That they have the faith and confidence in themselves to dream and to live the life that they dream.
I pray for my sisters. That they find what makes them happy and stay on that path. That they deal with hardships productively and healthily. That they always have strength to stand up for what they want. That they always feel comfortable enough to ask for help when they need it. That they have courage to change the situations that they do not like. That they stay in my life and continue to have a bond with myself and each other.
I pray for my friends. Especially the women who are looking for love. That they never settle for less than what they deserve and what they want. That they have confidence to see their own beauty and strength to build other women around them up instead of tearing them down. That they stay in touch if I have meant something to them. That they believe in themselves and their dreams and always have happiness in their lives.
I pray for the future. That my expectations are not too high for the reality. That I enjoy the time I have in the present so I can actually enjoy the future rather than feel nostalgic. That my dreams are not too far fetched. That the future holds positive surprises. That the children I have in the future can forgive the mistakes I will undoubtedly make.
I pray for everyone who has it worse than me, which is quite a bit of people. That they find strength, courage, love and hope.
I pray for everyone who has it better than me. That they are grateful for what they have.
I pray for forgiveness for the things I have done or said to hurt people. For love to continue to be present in my life. For hope, for the days that just seem too hard. For strength, to pick myself up after I fall. For courage to change the parts of my life that I do not like. For a better understanding of things that I don’t know. For days that hard, so I can truly appreciate the days that are good. For confidence in my dreams. For thanks, because I truly am lucky.
I pray that whoever is reading, listening or looking down on me, can see my sincerity and do their best to care. Because everyone needs something to believe in. We just don’t always know what that is.