30 Things My Big Sister Taught Me before She Turned 30

Today my oldest sister is 30 years old. And while her favorite songs are now played on the “Oldies” radio station and she can’t stay up to watch the ball drop on New Year’s Eve, she’s still pretty awesome. So instead of feeling down about turning 30, here are some things that you have passed on to me over the years. I love you sister!

  1. Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear. Beer before liquor, you’ve never been sicker.
  2. Pregnancy can happen just by jinxing! … Just kidding, unprotected sex leads to pregnancy the majority of the time.
  3. Good sex is not a basis for a marriage.
  4. Sticking a key in an outlet will in fact, take you to another place.
  5. If Dad says, “See if you can get this can off the table.” You should kick the table over as hard as you possibly can.
  6. Childbirth is gross.
  7. Pregnancy does not make every woman glow. It makes some women vomit a lot.
  8. At-home hair dying is a good way to save money, but if you want to do something drastic like from black to blonde, go to a pro. Two words: Pumpkin orange.
  9. Don’t be afraid to chop off all your hair every now and then.
  10. When intoxicated, make sure that what you believe to be a toilet, is in fact a toilet and not a mini fridge.
  11. If you accidentally hit or kick someone in the face, immediately grab them and apologize profusely while restraining their arms.
  12. Sometimes you just have to say “Fuck it” and take a break.
  13. Don’t touch the railings in sex shops.
  14. If you repeat the word “Listen” when you’ve had too much to drink, people eventually will listen to you.
  15. Make sure you take the cardboard out of your shoes before you walk down the Vegas strip in them.
  16. Find something to be nerdy about and embrace your nerdiness.
  17. Louie Armstrong was one of the best artists the music world has ever seen.
  18. Get some sleep.
  19. A little bit of chipotle peppers goes a long way.
  20. If for any reason you ever feel unsafe in a relationship, leave.
  21. Being just like your mother isn’t such a bad thing.
  22. Life will sometimes get in the way of your goals.
  23. You will fail in life.
  24. Those failures in no way define who you are and who you can become.
  25. Fall down seven times, stand up eight.
  26. Stay true to who you are regardless of what people may think.
  27. Having three boys under the age of 8 may seem like a curse at times but in reality they are blessings.
  28. People are more proud of you than you believe.
  29. Although you still fight and get on each other’s nerves, your sister becomes more of a friend the older you get.
  30. Your sister will always, always be there for you. No matter what time it is, no matter how old either of you get, no matter what the reason, she will always be there for you.
Happy 30th Theresa. Thank you for all your wisdom.

Happy 30th Theresa. Thank you for all your wisdom.

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One thought on “30 Things My Big Sister Taught Me before She Turned 30

  1. Pingback: 30 Things My Big Sister Taught Me Before Turning 30 – Confessions of a 20-something

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