6 Times When She Wants You To Fight For Her

Love it. I’ve written something similar that’s still in Draft mode.

Thought Catalog

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The problem with love nowadays is that our pride always has to come first. We brush things off when we’d rather hold them close. We play it cool when we’d rather lose our shit. We let our thoughts get ahead of our hearts and we are so desperate to avoid neediness that we’ve forgotten what it means to actually try for one another. To stick our necks out for each other. To fight to work things out, even when the odds are stacked against us. Despite what it may seem like at the time, the situations that make us want to run in the other direction are often the exact ones we ought to see through. If you’re with the kind of woman worth having, here are a few times when she needs you to stick around and fight.

1. When you’ve had a blowout

She wants you…

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Rushing Through

I am 22 years old and I want too much. I want so much for my life.

I graduate in 3 1/2 months and I have no idea what I’m going to use my degree for. I don’t know what I want to do to make money. But I know what I want to do.

I want to see the world. I want to go to the big cities that make me feel alive. The cities that make me feel right at home. The cities where getting lost doesn’t feel uncomfortable. The cities where my fashion sense can actually be appreciated. The cities where people don’t know your name so you can escape and be totally invisible.

I want to go the small towns that make me feel accepted. The towns that welcome any newcomers. The towns that are so small it’s nearly impossible to get lost. The towns where my fashion sense would make people wonder where I came from. The towns where everybody knows you and won’t let you escape or be invisible.

I want to see everything there is to see. I want to feel the warmth of the sun and a cool breeze through my hair at the same time that someone else is getting snowed on. I want to marvel at the green hills of Ireland and the mountains of Switzerland. I want to share these sights with my family and some day with my children. Because I want them to yearn like I do. With one condition: I want them to feel as though what they are yearning for is within their reach.

I want to own a little bakery that people visit every Sunday. That my kids will have memories of. I want the smell of bread and brownies and cakes bring a flood of memories to people. I want to share my family recipes and love of baking with people who will enjoy it. I want to do the things that I’m too afraid to try.

I want to believe that the things I yearn for are within my reach.

I think about how I have spent the past four years of my life, and I wonder if it was the right thing to do. If it’s right for anyone to do. We’re told we can’t make it in the world anymore without a college degree. So then we shove as many students as we can into colleges and we all come out with degrees. And then we’re told that that degree doesn’t make much of a difference anymore because everyone has one. So what were we doing with those four years then?

Maybe I should have taken my student loan money and used it to see what I want to see. To do what I want to do. Maybe I would have learned more about life and about myself and about failures and success had I not spent four years in a classroom listening to someone tell me what’s important. Maybe they should have told us to figure out for ourselves what is important.

I hope that this doesn’t come off as ungrateful. I have said many times before that I am privileged to go to college and get the education that I have received. All I am saying is that there are plenty of other forms of privilege we should recognize. And plenty of other reasons to feel grateful in our lives.

Most of us come to college at only 19 years old and they tell us we need to decide what we’re going to do with our lives now. 3 months ago, we had to ask if we could use the bathroom but now we’re given that huge responsibility? Why are we always in such a rush? Then we pick a major and we rush along in hopes to graduate on time so that we can rush into the real world to find a job so that we can get into a routine that go through mindlessly every single day. Why do we do that to our young adults? Why do we do that to ourselves?

We only get one life and I’m tired of rushing through mine.

The Art Of Overthinking

So we should always listen to our heart and not our heads?

Thought Catalog

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Overthinking. We all do it – of course we all do it. I’ve come to the conclusion that it is probably one of my more hard-hitting habits. I don’t even realize I do it anymore; it has become that natural. Overthinking causes damage, and I mean the “it’s 3am and I’m overanalyzing every aspect of my life – what I’ve done right – what I’ve done wrong in the span of my 19 years on this earth” kind of damage. And by damage I am referring to the beautiful 2 hours of sleep I am willingly allowing myself to lose at night. That’s the problem with overthinking – your mind is going a mile a minute. If something is causing you that much distress or fixation, then it’s clearly affecting your state of mind – and sleep pattern. Innocuous thoughts or not, something is important enough to you.

My…

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40 Thoughts You Have While Studying For The LSAT

OMG yes! And then you take the real test and you go through the exact same thoughts and you have no idea how you did when you finish but you’re just glad you finished. And then you just get to sit and think about it for a month while you wait for your score. And then you finally receive your score and your hands start shaking uncontrollably, your heart is racing and then you are crushed with a pitiful score that makes you question the past 6 years of your life and your entire future seems to be a mirage that you were chasing this whole time… Whoa.

Thought Catalog

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1. This can’t be that hard right? I mean you don’t even have to know anything specific to take the LSAT.

2. They said people in my major score higher than a lot of others, so I’m guaranteed to at least have like a 160 on the first try, right?

3. Wait, what the fuck are these games?

4. I’ve never been so confused in my life.

5. I only have 35 minutes to do them all?? But that’s only like 8-9 minutes per game and passage!

6. Ok, reading comprehension. I was good at this on the SAT, so I bet I’ll be good at it on the LSAT too.

7. Oh man, that was nothing like the SAT reading comprehension.

8. Ok, so if reading comp and logic games are not really my thing, I must be good at logical reasoning.

9. I mean, I’m a…

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30 Things My Big Sister Taught Me before She Turned 30

Today my oldest sister is 30 years old. And while her favorite songs are now played on the “Oldies” radio station and she can’t stay up to watch the ball drop on New Year’s Eve, she’s still pretty awesome. So instead of feeling down about turning 30, here are some things that you have passed on to me over the years. I love you sister!

  1. Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear. Beer before liquor, you’ve never been sicker.
  2. Pregnancy can happen just by jinxing! … Just kidding, unprotected sex leads to pregnancy the majority of the time.
  3. Good sex is not a basis for a marriage.
  4. Sticking a key in an outlet will in fact, take you to another place.
  5. If Dad says, “See if you can get this can off the table.” You should kick the table over as hard as you possibly can.
  6. Childbirth is gross.
  7. Pregnancy does not make every woman glow. It makes some women vomit a lot.
  8. At-home hair dying is a good way to save money, but if you want to do something drastic like from black to blonde, go to a pro. Two words: Pumpkin orange.
  9. Don’t be afraid to chop off all your hair every now and then.
  10. When intoxicated, make sure that what you believe to be a toilet, is in fact a toilet and not a mini fridge.
  11. If you accidentally hit or kick someone in the face, immediately grab them and apologize profusely while restraining their arms.
  12. Sometimes you just have to say “Fuck it” and take a break.
  13. Don’t touch the railings in sex shops.
  14. If you repeat the word “Listen” when you’ve had too much to drink, people eventually will listen to you.
  15. Make sure you take the cardboard out of your shoes before you walk down the Vegas strip in them.
  16. Find something to be nerdy about and embrace your nerdiness.
  17. Louie Armstrong was one of the best artists the music world has ever seen.
  18. Get some sleep.
  19. A little bit of chipotle peppers goes a long way.
  20. If for any reason you ever feel unsafe in a relationship, leave.
  21. Being just like your mother isn’t such a bad thing.
  22. Life will sometimes get in the way of your goals.
  23. You will fail in life.
  24. Those failures in no way define who you are and who you can become.
  25. Fall down seven times, stand up eight.
  26. Stay true to who you are regardless of what people may think.
  27. Having three boys under the age of 8 may seem like a curse at times but in reality they are blessings.
  28. People are more proud of you than you believe.
  29. Although you still fight and get on each other’s nerves, your sister becomes more of a friend the older you get.
  30. Your sister will always, always be there for you. No matter what time it is, no matter how old either of you get, no matter what the reason, she will always be there for you.
Happy 30th Theresa. Thank you for all your wisdom.

Happy 30th Theresa. Thank you for all your wisdom.

Senior Exit Survey

If I had known then what I know now, the answer would probably be "No."

If I had known then what I know now, the answer would probably be “No.”

“If you were a freshman again, would you major in English?”

This question has been haunting me for the past 6 months.

When filling out my Senior Exit Survey this was one of the questions I was asked. Along with “What would you change about the English major?” and “How has being an English major affected you?”

Well for one thing, it has almost completely killed reading for enjoyment. For the past three and a half years my life revolved around required reading. I was assigned 1-2 novels a week for one class one semester. And that was just one class. I have been stressed out about reading and writing more in the past three years than ever before. However, I have skated by and not read a surprising amount. That’s not because I don’t want to read the books or the articles, most of the time I did. I just could not keep up with the reading and in order to keep my sanity, I had to prioritize and skip reading more often than I would like to admit.

However, it has also increased my appreciation for the written word. And in turn, increased my abhorrence for Twitter and other sites where we are forcibly cut down to a certain number of characters. It has also improved my writing. It was hard to notice at first but I do genuinely have a better grasp on what makes a good argument, what makes a good writer, and what makes someone a writer. I know more technical aspects of writing that I am hoping will help give me a leg up in the job market.

I became an English major because I believed it would help me in law school, which was of course, the ultimate goal. And then, law school didn’t pan out as I had planned and hoped for. And now I am about to enter the job market and I am realizing, I have an English degree. And I am realizing that English majors lie to each other and to themselves. The English degree is so devalued it makes me sick. My own school newspaper wouldn’t pay new writers for their work. What kind of society are we living in that people don’t get paid for their hard work? I paid over $50,000 for my education and you want to pay me 1 cent per word?! That is why I had to justify being an English major all this time, nobody takes us seriously. My classes were harder than any other liberal arts course I took. But go ahead and hire some random person off the street to try and formulate a strong argument. Let me know how that works out for you.

If someone told me Freshman year, “Your plan for law school isn’t going to work out right away. Do you still want to be an English major?” I don’t know what I would have said. I still genuinely enjoy writing. And I have improved because of my classes. However, had I chosen a different major, I could have been more selective with my writing classes and likely still improved and enjoyed writing. If someone gave me a glimpse of the job market I am about to enter and a list of qualifications needed for specific jobs as well as what I would have upon graduation, I don’t think I could justify being an English major. So it begs the question: Did I just waste an entire four years and thousands of dollars?

I know that I can’t answer this question today. This post is basically a series of questions that has just confused me more. Once again I wrote because I needed to get it out of my head. I wrote in the hopes that putting down the words and sending it into cyber space would help someone, not necessarily even me, feel like they are not alone. I wrote in the hopes that putting down the words would somehow make me feel less confused and less alone.