Day one: Your current relationship; If single, discuss how single life is
I am in the best relationship of my life. I have had some really terrible relationships and romantic situations but now I still cannot understand how I got this lucky. I never thought that I would be one of those girls that posts couple pictures and writes about how in love I am and what not but I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t imagine my life without him. And as much as that scares me, that excites me and makes the future that more interesting. He has the biggest heart of anyone I know and never gives up on me. I could go on forever about my relationship and my boyfriend but I will save that for a different day!
Day two: Where you’d like to be in ten years
This question has been getting more and more complicated lately and I don’t necessarily like that. In ten years I’ll be 30 years old. I would really like to be married at that point, preferably to my current boyfriend Alex. Hopefully I have at least one child, maybe two depending on how long I’ve been married at that point. I want to say that I’ll be a successful lawyer at that point but I just don’t know anymore. There’s too many “What ifs” and unknowns in that scenario that are very unsettling. So what if I’m not a lawyer? Then I have few options with an English degree. Who knows? As long as I have my loved ones surrounding me though, I’m sure I’ll be happy.
Day three: Your views on drugs and alcohol
I hate drugs. I am not crazy about alcohol but I don’t judge people who like it. I’ve seen drugs ruin people and ruin good things. The truth is, both of these things are just numbing devices. And everyone has a drug or alcohol. Some are just better for your health. For some people it’s drugs or alcohol, for some it’s sex. For some it’s self-harming, for others it’s work. Regardless we all have something that we do to forget about the undesirable parts of life. For me, it’s writing, baking and sleeping (when I can). And occasionally shopping. So while I am not a person who drinks on a regular basis, I understand those who do. And while I know that drug addiction is a sickness, I just do not want any part of that. I have my reasons, please don’t judge me for what I believe without knowing those reasons.
Day four: Your views on religion
I used to say my prayers every night. And then I got really depressed and really hated the idea of religion. I mean, I don’t judge people for their beliefs as long as they don’t try to shove it down my throat. Whatever gets you through the day right? But I would like to believe that there is some kind of higher being, or some kind of afterlife. I mean, there has to be right? I’m not going to live my whole life by a book that was written centuries ago. One thing that has always bothered me are people who claim to be “good Christians” or religious people or whatever but treat other people like shit and use the justification of “Only God can judge me.” I don’t care who is judging you, or what religion you are, you have no right to treat people like that. I have no real concrete views on God or heaven or hell or sins. Mainly because I, like all people have been through some tough times. But I am also a very lucky person. I just do not necessarily understand why one single being has control of everyone’s destiny.
On a different note, the country song “God Gave Me You” rings true in my ears at this point in my life. I don’t know who or what gave me you, but I’m sure glad I have you now.
Day five: A time you thought about ending your own life
Well who doesn’t want to talk about this topic? Me. But that is why this is called a challenge. Here goes. I battled depression from 8th grade to my sophomore year in high school. I debated over whether or not to use the word “battled” but that truly seems like the only appropriate word. I was basically battling with myself and the world. To be depressed, is to walk around in a world where everyone sees colors except for you. To be depressed is to wish that when you wake up in the morning, that it was all a terrible dream, because this couldn’t possibly be your life. At my lowest point I wrote these words in my journal: “I’m asking my lungs what they’re doing and asking my heart to stop. To take make me fall asleep or to make me feel alive again.” To this day, those words can still bring tears to my eyes. To be depressed is to feel painfully numb. To be depressed is to feel as if you are a walking scar, just hoping that someone will stop and help you, throw you a bandage or even just ask what’s wrong; that you would tell them, but it just helps knowing that they care or notice. You want to smile, and sometimes you do. But that’s a lie. Nobody wants to commit suicide. They just want their pain to stop. And they only see one way out.
There is more than one way out. And I know everyone will tell you that “it gets better” and I know how hard it is to believe that. But it is true. It does get better. You can get through this and you can make sure that you never get that low again. Trust me. Trust yourself. And then learn to trust others. I am here for you. I love you. And you deserve to be here.
Day six: 30 interesting facts about yourself
- I hate feet.
- I’m scared of outer space.
- I’m obsessed with high heels.
- I’ve never dyed my hair.
- I’ve never done drugs. Not even weed.
- I drink a ridiculous amount of milk.
- I don’t drink carbonation.
- I have two very meaningful tattoos.
- I have two sisters.
- I have three nephews.
- I want to be a lawyer.
- My favorite movie is “Beauty and the Beast”
- I’m an English major and Political Science minor.
- I’ve known my best friend since I was two.
- My favorite color is pink.
- My favorite singer is P!nk.
- I love Frank Sinatra.
- My favorite flowers are roses and gerber daisies.
- I’m probably addicted to caffeine.
- I rescued a white kitten named Ninja.
- I’ve never been out of the United States.
- I have scoliosis.
- I once tried to model, I had an agent but decided it wasn’t for me.
- I also studied at Fashion Institute of Technology in New York for a summer.
- I cannot sing well at all, but I love to try!
- I hate the sound of styrofoam rubbing together.
- I love to bake.
- I wish I was artisitic.
- I do not like coming up with facts about myself.
- I almost skipped this prompt today.
Day seven: Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality
Here are a few thoughts about Scorpio women from Cafeastrology.com,
“Scorpios are intuitive, controlling, and sometimes self-destructive, but in all this they have a certain deadly beauty to their personalities. They are fearless and stubborn and even when life gets a little tricky they merely take it on the chin and keep going. Self-confident, resourceful, and strong, Scorpios are driven to succeed; they work hard and are willing to sacrifice anything to get to their goals. They are also complex and secretive, choosing who they divulge their secrets to carefully.”
“Hell hath no fury like a Scorpio scorned. Intensely passionate and surprisingly emotional, this Water sign can be an enigma to their lovers. Their real feelings and intentions are sometimes murky, hidden deeply, and obscured. A Scorpio in love is alluring and mysterious, her stormy passions unleashed with the force of tempests. In relationships Scorpio women want to make their partner’s lives as easy as possible, just as long as you let her win every now and again. She is caring and devoted, but you should never cross a scorpion.”
“Scorpios can either be your “bestest” friend ever, or your worst enemy. Loyalty is important to Scorpio women, but they never forget a wrong. If you can prove you are a worthy friend, they in return are faithful comrades.”
I absolutely agree with all of the above.
Day eight: A moment you felt most satisfied with your life
This is going to be pretty cheesy but every time I am laying with my boyfriend, I am completely satisfied. But I also felt pretty satisfied after giving a speech in front of hundreds of people for my high school graduation.
Day nine: How you how your future will be
I used to be so confident and sure of my future. And now, I don’t even like talking about it. This is the first time in my life when I have been unsure of my plan. Or worried about what happens if my plans don’t work out. Maybe “talking” to my faceless audience about it will help. I am an English major for three reasons: 1) I love to write. 2) It is one of the most sought after degrees for entering law school and 3) I am not good at anything else. So I was one of those freshmen who knew what their major was right away, all because the end goal was law school. But of course, I have to have a “well-rounded education” and take core classes that are unrelated to my major or my minor. And those classes are very bad for my GPA. So of course, my GPA is not where I want or need it to be and that makes me worry about getting into law school. So then I think, well what if I don’t get into law school? I have an English degree… I can teach! But I honestly do not think I would make a very good teacher, nor would I be really passionate about it. I could write for a magazine of some sort! But I do not have any experience considering that all my focus has been on law so my resume does not look very good compared to others who have focused completely on writing. Plus, I don’t really want to relocate like I would likely have to write. And of course when I brought this up to my wonderful boyfriend he said, “Even if you’re a stay-at-home-mom you would be great at it” and I love how supportive he is and everything but my only response was, “I don’t know if being a stay-at-home-mom would be enough to fulfill my personality.” And he understood and said he didn’t think it would be. So who knows. Honestly, as long as I have my family and him at my side, I’ll be able to figure it out. But it is just odd for me to not have it figured out already.
Day ten: Discuss your first love and first kiss
Ew. Why would anyone want to discuss either of these topics? My first kiss was not very good. It was very slobbery and wet and I remember thinking, “This is what I’ve been waiting for?!” So after that, I wasn’t a good kisser because I didn’t know any better. However, I’m much better now. I think. I hope. Anyways, my first love has had way too many words written about him so write about it again. He’s gone and I’m happy. End of story. I don’t need or want to go into all the details that the people close to me already know anyways. It’s not worth my time.
Day eleven: Put your iPod on shuffle and write down the first 10 songs that pop up
1. A Thousand Years – Christina Perri
2. Where I Stood _ Missi Higgins
3. We Are Broken – Paramore
4. L-O-V-E – Nat King Cole
5. Rehab – Rihanna
6. Need You Now – Lady Antebellum
7. Hang You Up – Yellowcard
8. Poker Face – Lady GaGa
9. I Won’t Give Up – Jason Mraz
10. Secrets – OneRepublic
Day twelve: Bullet your whole day
Day thirteen: Somewhere you’d like to move or visit
Day fourteen: Your earliest memory
Day fifteen: Your favorite blogs
Day sixteen: Your views on music
Day seventeen: Your highs and lows of the past year
Day eighteen: Your beliefs
Day nineteen: Disrespecting your parents
Day twenty: How important you think education is
Day twenty-one: One of your favorite shows
Day twenty-two: How have you changed in the past two years?
Day twenty-three: Give pictures of five famous guys you find attractive
Day twenty-four: Your favorite movie and what it’s about
Day twenty-five: Someone who fascinates you and why
Day twenty-six: What kind of person attracts you?
Day twenty-seven: A problem that you have had
Day twenty-eight: Something that you miss
Day twenty-nine: Goals for the next 30 days
Day thirty: Your highs and lows of this month
Confessions of an English Major 