Dear Prospective English Majors

Dear Prospective English Majors,

I’m here to tell you to not major in English. I’m here to tell you that the English department at your school is lying.

If you choose to major in English your degree will prove to be worthless in the job market. Nobody cares about the ability to write anymore. Nobody cares where the comma goes, where the apostrophes belong or what the Oxford comma is.

If you choose to major in English you will spend four years justifying your choice to everyone. And after four years you’ll begin to wonder if all your justification was for them, or for yourself.

If you choose to major in English you better get published. And good luck with that. As wonderful as the internet and blogs can be, they are one of the major culprits in devaluing your worth. Everyone can have a blog; many times the blog with the most followers are poorly written or pure junk. And I’m a blogger.

If you choose to major in English you will defend yourself and your classmates to those who have never taken an English class and genuinely cannot understand how rigorous your course load is. It is not a STEM major so obviously all you have to do is read books and say whatever you want to about them.

If you choose to major in English you will endure countless jokes about your degree. “Are you learning how to say ‘Do you want fries with that?'” “Well at least you’ll use your writing skill for writing names on the side of coffee cups.”

If you choose to major in English you will learn to love the written word, and the richness of language. And that will make you hate things like Twitter and texting. There is no reason why you should be restricted to 140 characters or less. We are destroying our language and enhancing the stupidity of society.

If you choose to major in English you will spend four years of you life thinking that somehow it will all work out. And then you will examine the job market for those with your degree. You will feel so worthless, valueless, and at times, completely hopeless. You will see that writing jobs are either volunteer work or so pathetically underpaid that it should be illegal. You’ll think to yourself, “2 cents per word and $50,000 in debt?” Something just doesn’t add up here.

If you choose to major in English you will start to realize how often you were lied to as an English major. Your academic advisor and your professors all told you that you can get any job with an English degree. That companies realize how valuable the English language is. And that the job you get will absolutely be relevant to your degree, because everything can eventually be connected to English. And then you’ll realize that it was all a big joke. And you’re the funniest punchline of all.

If you choose to major in English you will start to wonder what the return policy is for your degree. College is one of the only service we purchase that is non-refundable. What a rip-off. “Hey Dean I don’t have a job and I have a bunch of loans, I’m going to need my tuition money back please. You can only have it when I find the job that is so relevant that pays me a living wage.”

If you choose to major in English you will spend your last semester stressed and angry. You will spend your nights combing through the depths of the internet looking for jobs that are tolerable. You will lie awake in bed wondering what you’re going to do with your life once you walk across that stage; wondering if you will ever be able to make it on your own; wondering why this magazine didn’t hire you, or why that company didn’t answer your calls. You will wonder how many years you will have to live paycheck to paycheck; will you be able to have the wedding you hoped of; will you be able to afford to have a family? You will wonder was college even worth it?

If you choose to major in English you will be pushed down and stepped on and laughed at. And you will remember a quote from a book or an author that inspires you and keeps you going. You will cry and doubt your worth, your intelligence.

If you choose to major in English you are going to go to class one day and be really mad. “Why am I here? Why am I wasting these years of my life? Who are you to tell me how or what to write? Who are you to ruin reading for pleasure?” And you’re going to walk out of class, and maybe you go for a drive, or a run or just zone out with headphones in. And the next day, you wake up and you go back to class. You robotically go through the motions and play the game that they force you to play. You know the moves they want you to make and the rules they want you to follow. So you act as their pawn until you can make it out of there. Because you are paying for this after all.

If you choose to major in English make sure you know what you are signing on for. Because I didn’t. And as cliche as it sounds, if I knew then what I know now, I would have never stepped foot in the English Department.

If you choose to major in English… I hope you don’t regret it as much as I do.


My favorite quotes explained day one

In an effort to really get back in the habit of actually writing everyday, regardless of my stress level, I decided that over the next week or so I’m going to take the time to explain why a specific quote is one of my favorites. I have about a million different favorite quotes so I’ll try to do some of the most interesting or less well known ones!

I do not have an author for this quote so whoever it is, you speak to me; even without a name. 

“I don’t want to waste another moment saying things that we never meant to say.”

Here’s my philosophy on fighting/arguing with a loved one, mainly a lover: While I understand that fighting, when not in excess, is necessary and also important to the relationship, and even though the making up after a fight may be awesome, I just don’t like to do it. Not that I don’t like to argue, I want to be a lawyer, I love arguing. I just don’t like to waste time being mad at someone when you could be spending that time being happy and kissing or doing something together. After you have your first fight with someone, there’s no going back. You see a different side of them and it’s generally not pretty, it can taint the view that you had of them and it’s something that will always be a part of them and something you can’t forget. 

That’s why I love this quote. Talk it out, get out your frustrations, but do your best not to say things you don’t mean. You can’t take it back. 

This is all important to me because I tend to be a little bit of a dirty fighter, and I hate it. I can’t help it though, it’s my defense mechanism. I will say or do whatever it takes to hurt you before you get the chance to hurt me. I get personal, I get deep, but I rarely get hurt. Or at least, I rarely let it show that I’m hurt. I’ve been working on this, and it has been a long time since I’ve delivered a really nasty blow to anyone, mainly because I choose not to fight about things as often. I just don’t see the point in petty arguments. 

I keep telling my boyfriend that he needs to get mad at me, not mad enough to break up with me, but just enough to make me take a step back and examine things. I’ve gotten mad at him but we haven’t really fought with each other. I try not to get really mad at small things so when I do get upset he knows that it’s a big deal to me and he generally just apologizes. I love this but I need to apologize for something right? Maybe I’m just crazy. 

Regardless, I think this quote gives a good message to everyone